I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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