...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
