Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
