Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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