Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
