You can't motorboat a personality
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
