Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
