These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
