Already got asked if we're dating
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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