Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
