Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
