You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
