and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Are we still banned from the library?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
