cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
