found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
