Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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