if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
