Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
