So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
