I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
