Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
