I think I won the penis lottery.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
