I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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