I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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