I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
