I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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