It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
