Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
