I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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