You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
