me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
