Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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