just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
