i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
