I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You ate ashes out of my bong
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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