I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
