I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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