You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
