but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
