There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
