just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
