Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
