youre lurking in front of me
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
