you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
