Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
