I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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