Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
