I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
