Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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