dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
