we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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